Innocence Restored

I was thinking recently of how the last few years of my life have felt robbed of moments of beauty with my family and children. A disappointing and traumatizing separation and divorce, a loss of time and unity with those I birthed and loved. Many things have been lost, or so it seems. I was recalling my dreams of homeschooling, of homemade flashcards with cartoony pictures of animals, messes from cookie dough on the counters, and grass-stained clothes. And I wondered;

Did God grieve the loss of innocence in the Garden that day when sin entered in?

Did he look upon Adam and Eve with a broken heart, understanding that the moments they’d dreamed of together were no longer in sight, and had been replaced by fears and shame? Had they made plans in the Garden together? Was Adam looking expectantly towards the evening when The Lord would meet them in the cool of the day, and walk side-by-side, excited to tell His Father of his latest adventures with his beloved wife and the animals?

Did His heart break as he saw the light in the eyes of His children grow dim, as they fidgeted with their leaf-laden garments? Did sorrow pierce His heart as he stripped the innocent animal of their skin to clothe the nakedness of the ones He’d made in His image?

Did He allow Himself to grieve as He remembered the plan of redemption that was already in place? Did He give way in His heart to the truth of the pain that sin had brought into the world, while acknowledging the powerful redemption story He’d already written? Did He feel the burning desire to turn back the clock, to change the story, to overrule His Divine Law to restore what had been broken? Did He have to restrain His righteous anger from erupting from His chest, watching His children being led from the Garden and cut off at the entrance? Was there fire in His eyes, tears soaking his robes, and angels who watched in awe and curiosity as He prepared for His Son to be sent to us?

Often in life we will think back on places, times and memories that feel cheated, robbed, misunderstood, and wasted. We can so easily fall into a place of regret, rejection, disappointment, and sorrow, blaming ourselves and others for “the way things should have been”. As a mother, I’ve felt that so deeply at times, wishing I could have been there to protect, change, fix, refresh, relieve, heal, and carry the burdens of brokenness in this world that have fallen upon my children. Sometimes I think we can forget that God Himself understands those moments where we feel that we must simply “let go”. However grandiose the betrayal in the Garden had been, we see throughout scripture that He never let go of them, carrying His faithfulness down through the generations to us, constantly warring, contending, calling, and drawing us back.

Ever since the Garden, He’s been after us. Outside the realms of the “perfect” place He’d made for us, He’s brought Himself to this place of brokenness, as Jesus and His Spirit, to be with us. When He could have stayed in the Heavens, He demanded to be among His people, and when He was called back to His throne, He insisted to leave His own Spirit with us.

When He could have chosen to change it all, He chose to redeem it all. When He could have ended it all, He endured it all. He waited patiently, diligently aligning things to prepare the way for His Son, that all would be redeemed by the perfect love and sacrifice which could only come from Himself.

There’s a greater redemption story being played out in your life if you choose to believe it. Where there’s been lost opportunities and brokenness, there allowed a divine appointment for redemption and grace.

Many have questioned why He would have created us, knowing that we would succumb to sin in our natures. I believe He knew that we would fall, but He believed the best in us, and continued to see us through the lens of redemption through faith in His Son. He saw us in Spirit and truth, in the way we also see Him.

So, for every moment that you’ve felt has been stolen, for every dream that’s fallen away and seemed to have caused more grief than hope, believe that He understands that place, that this isn’t the end of the story, and that no one understands you like He does.

-The Breaker Bride